I love you, I’m autistic
Send One of These Short Intros to Autism to the Friend or Family Member You Want to Share About Your Autism With:
Letter # 1
Letter # 2
Tips For Family & Friends
Books
Podcasts
How To Use These Resources
Letter # 1
Send This Intro to the Friend or Family Member You Want to Share About Your Autism With
Hey there — thanks for reading this.
If someone sent you this page, it’s because you matter to them.
They trust you enough to share something deeply personal: that they’re autistic — maybe diagnosed recently, maybe they’ve always known, but are only now finding the words for it.
This isn’t about excuses or labels.
It’s about language. Understanding. Connection.
It’s about learning to see each other a little more clearly.
What “Autism” Actually Means (and Doesn’t Mean)
Autism isn’t something you can see — it’s something you experience.
It’s a different way of processing the world: sounds, light, emotions, routines, social cues — all filtered through a brain wired for depth and pattern, not surface and performance.
It’s lifelong. It’s not something to “fix.” It’s something to understand.
Many autistic adults were missed as kids — especially women, people of color, and those who learned to “mask” their differences to survive socially.
Late diagnosis can be both a relief (“Finally, it all makes sense”) and grief (“Why didn’t anyone notice?”).
Why It’s Meaningful for Me
Learning I’m autistic didn’t change who I am — it explained why I am.
It helped me understand:
Why I get overwhelmed so easily.
Why I need recovery time after social things.
Why certain sounds, lights, or textures feel unbearable.
Why I notice patterns and details others miss.
Why “normal” never felt right.
Why I have such a hard time with things that others do with ease.
Knowing this doesn’t make me broken — it gives me a map.
And it gives me a way to communicate how I’m feeling, what I need, to feel safe and connected.
How You Can Support Me
You don’t need to fix anything — just understand a few things:
Believe me when I describe what’s hard or draining. Even if it doesn’t seem that way to you.
Respect boundaries — if I say I need quiet, space, or time to recover, it’s not rejection. It’s how I recharge.
Ask instead of assume — “Do you want company?” “Would texting be easier?” “Is this sound okay for you?”
Learn with me — you don’t have to “get” everything at once. Just be curious and kind.
Don’t take masking personally — sometimes I’ve learned to hide my discomfort. If I seem fine, it doesn’t mean I am.
Understanding Me Helps Us Both
When you understand a bit about autism, you understand me a bit better and it helps me to understand you better too.
It helps me feel safe being myself around you, and being honest with you when I don’t fully understand something (instead of acting like I do, and then disappointing both of us when I try and fail because I was guessing).
It helps me trust that I don’t have to perform to be accepted.
And honestly? That’s everything.
Version 2
Send This Intro to the Friend or Family Member You Want to Share About Your Autism With
(Because sometimes “I’m autistic” needs a user manual.)
Hey. Yep, it’s me. And yes, I’m autistic.
Before you panic or assume I’m suddenly inventing excuses for my quirks… breathe. This isn’t about excuses. This is about survival, clarity, and maybe a little mercy for both of us.
Being autistic as an adult — especially a late-diagnosed adult — is like finally finding the instruction manual for a device you’ve been using since forever… only the manual is in a foreign language, slightly singed, and mostly written in riddles.
What Autism Really Means (and Doesn’t)
It’s not a costume or a trend. It’s a brain wired differently.
I notice stuff you don’t notice. I feel stuff you don’t feel (like when you try to sneak the generic ketchup with my fries).
Sensory hell exists: sounds, lights, textures, hugs, small talk — sometimes all at once.
Masking is exhausting. Imagine pretending to be normal 24/7 while your brain is screaming inside. That’s me, historically.
Late diagnosis is a plot twist: relief, grief, and a little vindication all rolled into one.
Why It Matters To Me (and, Indirectly, To You)
I finally get myself.
I finally understand why certain things exhaust me, frustrate me, or light me up with joy.
I finally understand why I need quiet, routines, or recovery time after a social apocalypse (or just a normal days work).
Understanding me isn’t optional. It’s survival. And if you understand me even a little, our relationship won’t feel like blindfolded target practice anymore.
How You Can Not Break Me (aka Support Me Without Screwing Up)
Listen. Really. If I say something is hard, it’s hard. Believe me.
Boundaries are holy. Quiet, space, downtime — all sacred. Violating them is not okay.
Ask before assuming. Texting vs. calling, touch vs. no touch, crowded room vs. empty hallway. Just ask.
Don’t make me mask. Forcing me to perform “normal” is cruel and exhausting.
Be curious, not judgmental. I’m not broken; I’m wired differently.
Why This Helps Both of Us
When you understand even a fraction of what autism is like, life gets easier:
I don’t have to pretend all the time.
You stop misreading my signals and wondering why I’m “weird.”
We stop accidentally hurting each other.
And we get the rare, magical chance to just exist as humans — messy, chaotic, honest humans.
Extra Resources (Optional, If You Want to Keep Reading Without Panicking)
Masking & Burnout: How pretending drains us
Token Theory: Why my energy is finite and precious
Adult Autism: Why it’s not just a “kid thing”
Feral Minds Created. Reproduction Prohibited.
(Sharing this doesn’t make you an expert. But it might make you slightly less terrible at understanding me.)
Tips for Friends & Family of Late-Diagnosed Adults
Here are some general ideas to keep in mind and share with others:
Understand the person’s experience: A late diagnosis often comes with complicated feelings: “What does it mean that I’ve lived this long without knowing?” “I’ve built my life one way – now what?” It’s helpful to recognize that your friend/relative may be processing grief, relief, confusion, relief + sadness.
Ask how they want to share/disclose: The adult may or may not want you to announce their diagnosis to others. Respect their autonomy.
Support them in self-advocacy: Because many services/tracks are geared toward children; adults often have to navigate systems on their own. You can help by researching support, joining with them if desired, being a sounding board.
Focus on relationship changes rather than “fixing”: The role changes slightly—you might go from “just sibling/child/friend” to “someone who understands this part of you and may need some different support.” But the foundation of respect, listening, interest stays the same.
Pay attention to your own support needs: Being part of someone’s journey can be emotionally and logistically demanding. Connecting with others who are in similar situations (friends/family of late-diagnosed adults) helps.
Keep in mind adult-specific issues: Work, independence, housing, relationships—these are often top topics for late-diagnosed adults. The classic childhood autism resources may not cover the adult transition issues.
Podcasts
Podcasts are great for listening in while commuting, walking, relaxing — and they provide lived-experience voices, which complements books.
The Late Discovered Club
A podcast and community focused on late-discovered autistic women and marginalized groups. FeedSpot for Podcasters+1
Why useful: Offers real voices of late diagnosis; helpful for friends/family to hear those experiences and gain empathy.
Autism in the Adult (Dr. Theresa M. Regan)
Focuses on adult autism: diagnosis, life stages, aging, adult relationships. Apple Podcasts
Why useful: Topics like “parenting young children as an autistic adult” etc. may touch on transitions relevant to your person.
Just Another Autism Podcast – Episode: “Billy Mayfair Opens Up About His Late Autism Diagnosis”
Features an adult diagnosed later in life, exploring how the diagnosis reframed his life. Autism Speaks
Why useful: Even if the adult you support isn’t a pro athlete, the emotional dynamics (identity, career, self-understanding) are relevant.
Late to the Party
Dedicated to late-diagnosed and self-diagnosed individuals (autism, AuDHD). Buzzsprout
Why useful: Hearing the self-diagnosis journey can help you understand how your friend/family member may have navigated (or is navigating) things.
The Power and Struggles of Late Autism Diagnosis in Women
A specific episode focusing on late diagnosis in women. Apple Podcasts
Why useful: If the adult you’re supporting is female (or gender diverse), this may speak more directly to gendered aspects.
How to Use These as a Friend/Family Member
Pick one book or podcast first: You don’t need to consume everything. Choose one that resonates (e.g., memoir or adult-focused guide) and spend a week or two with it.
Share insights: After listening/reading, you might share one insight with your loved one (“I read/heard about how many adults feel relief + grief after diagnosis—how do you feel about that?”).
Separate your role from theirs: These resources help you understand their experience, but your job isn’t to fix everything. Support means listening, asking “What do you need?”, reflecting, adjusting.
Watch for self-care: Some of the emotional terrain (masking, late identity, reinterpreting life) can be intense. Use resources that also talk about caregiver/friend self-care.
Use as conversation tools: You might say “I heard a podcast where an adult said, ‘When I got diagnosed I felt like many things finally made sense, but then I felt panic about what it meant for my future.’” That opens a window without pressure.